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Losing ones sense of belonging

I had been traveling for more than a week now,  thousands of kilometers away from Home, sitting on a beach with cool breeze hitting my face and the loud ocean waves hitting the rocks, I was completely lost. I didn't know where I came from, where I was going to go or where my "Home" was. My mind completely blank and the only thing I knew at that point was the small hotel room that I had reserved. That was my home. I forced myself to remember where I came from, where I belonged and I saw my home, in a small village in Gaya. Being there, having travelled through so many places, it was hard to even believe that I belonged there. For some reason I just didn't feel like I belonged there. It felt like its been years since I left that place. 

It was such a weird feeling. Something I had never experienced before. I have been struggling more and more with mixing in for last few years. I stand out like a sore thumb everywhere, and its hard to  even imagine somewhere I truly belong, let alone find that place. One thing I know for sure, its not a place. If it was a place, I would have found that by now. Maybe its not a single place? its everywhere, like some people say, “The entire world is my home”. Whatever it is, I have not found it yet and I am scared that I might never find it. It makes me very sad, The idea of being stuck somewhere I don’t belong, Yet not knowing exactly where do I belong. 

Maybe its not a place, its not a place but its a person. Maybe I have met them already, Maybe I have not met them yet. I don’t know that and I pray to Allah that he makes me belong to someone with whom I belong, and someone who belongs to me. He makes me belong to a place and that place to belong to me. 

I remember a few lines from a song by Edith whiskers, “Home”

“Oh, home, let me come home
Home is wherever I'm with you”



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